So after sorting out the audio, i went on the tried to recreate a new animatic, with Phil's advice, I attempted to look at the story in a different way and create a animatic which basically will focus on the objective of the story and not all the elements and stages within it.
I think I'm going in a better way now, though It may still need some changes.
4 comments:
Hey Rubes - it's already about a million times more dynamic than before - it's still clunky in places. Watch this space - when I get a moment, I'll get to grips with it. Well done though. How's everything else coming along?
Further revisions:
Again - you've got too much walking in the opening scenes; after he enters the building your storyboard suggests we're going to see him walk up the stairs after he takes the sign down. All he needs to do is look to the stairs and pick up his back - and then we see him arriving on the landing outside his door; and then we see a shot from inside the room, as he enters it. You could contract this section so much. It would be better to spend this time seeing him in his room, laying down - and blowing out the candle - as this scene would work much better if it was more strongly styled, in terms of rich use of shadow - if there was strong light and source of shadow striping the scene from unseen window - picking out amazing highlights on your characters face - amazing shadows on the ceiling (it may be that your animatic is intending for this scene to be in the dark, but i don't think so). This means you'll need to start your animation at dusk in the city, and again this allows you to make much more of the lighting and the shadows. You need to create a slightly creepy, heighten atmosphere from the outset...
more to come!
Hey Rubes - me again! Sorry if I'm picking you up on stuff that you know is already 'in it' - I'm just responding 'quick and dirty' - so forgive any clumsiness;
okay,
@56 secs - you fade the music down, even though the narration says he hears the music every night...
While you've contracted the 'desired to meet him' section - it now feels rushed (I know, I know). I'd suggest that the 'desired to meet him' should fall when you have Zann turning around... the journey up the stairs could be down without narration - just with footsteps some great shadow work on the walls. In your original board, you've got the spyhole shot, and I think you could use this pretty much throughout the narration before the 'desired to meet him' - you could have your character open the door at this stage, so it's as if the young guy opening his door makes Zann turn around. So the narration between the first music interlude and the 'desired to meet him' line could all be done as a distorted spyhole sequence, in which the misshapen form of Zann moves into shot mysteriously and creepily. It would suggest then that the young character has been biding his time and watching the old man's comings and goings before plucking up the courage to introduce himself. Try the whole going up the stairs without narration, and just with sound of footsteps, the old guys laboured breathing etc.
@ 1.28 You've got an overlap of the whistling, the violin and the narration - it doesn't work - but I'm guessing you know this - you need to separate that out and let everything breathe.
Rubes - I know this is going to be a pain - but I've watched this a few times now, and I'm thinking you may need to get a bit more of Lovecraft's story voice-overed by the same guy. It's really not clear here what the guy sees out of the window - obviously you can animate something here, but in the original story isn't there some great heightened language here - something 'experienced' by the narrator. It just feels to me that there is something concrete missing at the end of your story? I'm sure, if you gave the guy some additional 'pick-up' lines - to in-fill the back part of your story, he would oblige?
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