Over the past days I have been juggling work between getting the models done and the animatic, here is the latest version of the animatic.
I have taken some of the feedback and so far the story seems to be much more appealing within the 3 and half minutes time range.
2 comments:
Rubes - well done! :D It works, works, works. Good stuff. It has a proper momentum now. I do have ONE criticism - it's very minor, but I think it's important. The final line of your piece, when he says again that he's never found the street... this has always bugged me, because it feels like too much of a change of tone after the horror of the climax. You need it obviously, because the line closes the circle of the animation nicely. I suggest - and it means you're going to have to be even more charming - that you get your voice guy to record that last line again - but this time give him instruction to read the line differently - much more slowly, much more shaken up - much more with a sense of dread. Ask him to take it slower, less upbeat - I think it's an issue here of performance. I strongly encourage you to smile sweetly and just get him to act that last line out a few times - imagine that line is spoken with a mixture of dread, exhaustion, world-weariness and, in a haunted way. At the moment, that last line feels bolted on and like it doesn't quite belong.
Doesn't that new bit of narrative make a difference now? It makes so much more sense, so, yeah, I urge you to go back to the voice man this one last time - blame me if you have to, but get him to do it.
Great!! Ye I felt that on the last line, because also is a mixture of 2 versions. I will tomorrow email him one last time :) hopefully He won't mind.
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